Cupid Carmine
"Never get between an agent and the subjects she’s passionate about. Believe me, I learned that the hard way." - "Giant Sonic All-Out Attack", Act 2 Cupid Edward Carmine is an angel from Skyworld and formerly a Sue-wraith, who was converted into an agent by Lady Palutena. He is written by SkarmorySilver. Agent Profile Appearance Cupid was once an Impetus miserabilis — A Sue-wraith that creates a past so tragic that the canon characters, and even OCs, cannot help but pity it. It is not known exactly what he looked like while he possessed Pit, but when he was exorcised, he took on a form similar to the evil canonical spirit, the Chaos Kin. This Sue-wraith was enormous and black-colored, with six spear-like legs, a skeletal hooked tail, ragged, moth-like wings, and a single white eye at the front of its spiked carapace. Because the backstory the Sue-wraith had intended to give to Pit was actually quite reasonable (and merely used as an excuse to angst rather than warp the canon completely), Palutena created an identical body for said backstory to be applied to. As such, Cupid looks exactly like the modern version of Pit: he has large blue eyes and many tufts in his brown hair, including a single unruly cowlick, as well as a pair of white, feathered wings; his hands and especially his feet are also quite huge for his size. To distinguish him from the canonical Pit (and give credit to his surname besides), his toga/chiton is pale pinkish red with a bright red scarf, though decorated with the same red and gold hems with vine-like patterns as Pit’s chiton. It is fastened on the shoulder by a single gold fibula, though instead of a red gem like Pit, it now bears his department flashpatch. He wears the outfit with a dark pink belt and a gold triangular buckle. Cupid also wears a skin-tight purplish black undershirt and shorts beneath his toga, as opposed to Pit’s navy blue underwear. His wrist cuffs, gold laurel crown, arm bracelet, and thigh ring are the same as Pit’s, except with the same dark pink color as his belt in place of the canonical brown. Cupid’s sandals are a brownish red, decorated with crossing red-orange bands and fuzzy white trim. Powers Cupid inherits Pit’s abilities as well as his appearance, and he is more than willing to use them if applicable to the continuum he is visiting. The biggest difference between him and the canonical angel is that he can actually fly on his own, though not very well. Without a goddess to provide the Power of Flight, he has to use the Wings of Icarus up-special from Super Smash Bros. Brawl (don’t ask how he got it, it’s a long story). His other special moves are quite different as well. Instead of the Palutena Bow, he uses the Angel Bow, which shoots weak and slow moving projectiles which nonetheless home in on enemies, which can be useful for catching moving targets. His side-special is the Ninja Palm, which shoots a close-range volley of needles and can inflict a painful series of chi-blocking jabs. His down-special is the Eyetrack Orbitars, a souvenir from his first mission, which shoot the best homing projectiles among any weapon from his home game. Though technically a clone of Pit in the same way that Dark Pit is in Smash Bros. for the Wii U/3DS, Cupid is somewhat slower but also more resilient. Aside from lightning-fast defensive reflexes and a powerful forward-aerial drop-kick (personally dubbed ‘The Winemaker’), he has also learned to use his wings like feathery shields to deflect incoming attacks. Personality Cupid is, to put it bluntly, a “Pollyanna” — the term coming from the perpetually optimistic title character of Eleanor Porter's 1913 novel. Being a former embodiment of depression and angst took a serious toll on his morale, but ever since he was taught to be happy by one of the agents who rescued him, he’s practically never stopped smiling. If anything, his personality is an exaggerated version of Pit’s canon behavior: hyperactive, excitable, quirky, outgoing, and highly talkative, though he often speaks and acts in non sequiturs, and hides deep-seated insecurities about his past as a Sue-wraith. His first instinct is to make everyone around him smile, and as such he despises wangst in badfics, particularly if the character in question is supposed to have a cheerful and idealistic disposition. However, Cupid’s own idealism — and to some extent, his hedonism — can render him morally blind himself, and without a goddess to direct him, he tends to slack off and get easily distracted even when on the job. Because of this, he is often not taken seriously even by his own partners, who occasionally call him out on his seemingly illogical behavior and reasoning — though he is nonetheless more than capable of proving himself if the situation calls for it. Cupid’s two biggest weaknesses are his love of pretty girls and his love of alcohol. The latter is slightly more potent and derived from his original fic, though given his age when he became an angel (at least in the backstory given to him in his homefic), he has taken a liking to Bleeprin products instead, namely Bleeport and any relations thereof. Unfortunately, his eternal youth has the particularly nasty side-effect of handling even alcohol substitutes rather poorly, and in the midst of enduring the agony of bad writing, he often forgets that he’s supposed to gently sip of the stuff, not quaff it like nobody’s business. Results may vary from running off after even minor distractions and making lewd and occasionally insensitive comments every two minutes to loudly slurring Greek swear-words and even passing out while on Duty. However, he always remembers to pour the Bleeport into a goblet or shot glass first, even for very bad scenes — well, for most instances where he needs a freaking drink, anyway. Skyworld forbid if he starts drinking it straight from the bottle. Cupid is bisexual, romantically appreciating both genders, although he has a marked preference for females, no doubt due to the abundance of beautiful women in his home continuum. Being the pleasure-seeking, fun-loving, hormone-crazed teenager he is, Cupid is also a nigh-insufferable flirt; his habit of ogling at Lust Objects means he has to take Anti-Lustin often and must also be refrained from talking to most canons in case he blurts out something lascivious. Oddly enough, female agents are a bit of an exception to this rule, partly due to his origins as a Sue-wraith and his resultant care not to get on the bad side of anyone from the PPC. He also has a preference for characters who appear older than he does, so underaged female characters, canon or otherwise, are also safe. Mary Sues, of course, are totally exempt from this habit, and he’d rather just kill them like anyone else would. Despite his innocent appearance, Cupid is actually quite dirty-minded and kinky, and not only does he regularly think of inappropriate things, but he also isn’t afraid to say them. He can be expected to make surprisingly mature-rated jokes about the antics of the Word World in almost every badfic he goes through (to the obvious dismay of his partners), and it can only be imagined what would come out of his mouth if he ever gets a mission involving bad slash, dubious sexual practices, or other such smut alongside a badly written crossover. Agent History Cupid was originally a higher-order Sue-wraith who possessed Pit in a Kid Icarus badfic (which has since been deleted for reasons unknown). This particular Sue-wraith gave Pit a speculative backstory of what he was like as a human, which actually wasn’t as inconsistent with canon as most fanmade backstories in badfic tend to be. Unfortunately, it wasn’t used properly — instead of weaving it into the canon in a reasonable and tactful manner, the Sue-wraith attempted to force it upon Pit, and caused him to suffer from painful and near-lethal amounts of wangst throughout most of the fic. Prior to the fic’s deletion, Agents Sarah Katherine Squall and Rashida Mafdetiti ventured into it to rescue the canonical angel, and exorcised the Sue-wraith, then known as Pit Edward White, who took on a physical form and confronted the agents. It would have succeeded in causing tremendous bodily harm to them, the supposed Sue of the fic, and several bit characters — that is, if it weren’t for the timely intervention of Palutena, who cleansed the Sue-wraith of its badly written aspects with the help of the agents and created a duplicate body for it to inhabit. Pit Edward White was taken to Medical and treated for the injuries he had sustained in the battle, during which he had his first real conversation with Sarah and learned about what he really was. Thankfully, she helped him create a new identity for himself, and also taught him how to smile — in her own... special way. Needless to say, Cupid has never looked back since then. Charge list Cupid’s charge list was, as read by Sarah: “Attempted subjugation of the canonical character of Pit; creating a trajeck backstory that’s inconsistent with said canon’s history; forcing Pit to act completely OOC as well as do things that would be more appropriate for Conker’s Bad Fur Day than the continuum his homefic took place in, namely by way of ‘memory sickness’; attempting to forge Twu Wuv between Pit and an OC (who has also been charged with being a Mary Sue, by the way); suggesting a method of creating angels that’s chock-full of unfortunate implications; and attempting to tie all of that into the known canonical info in a poorly written manner, specifically for the sake of making people pity the person was controlling.” Timeline All dates are given in HQ Standard Time. ; 2015 * February 11 ** Discovered, recruited, and "entertained" by Sarah Katherine Squall. His former girlfriend, Violet Rose Greenfield, is recruited from the same mission. * March 22 ** First recorded mission. Is partnered with Sarah and newbie Lapis Lazuli. * March 28 ** Second recorded mission. * April 4 ** Third recorded mission. * April 11 ** Fourth recorded mission. Accidentally wrecks half of DoSAT; later visits Lapis in Medical and listens to her troubled backstory. * August 2 ** Fifth recorded mission. Meets and promptly falls in love with Stephanie Podd. Oh, and Chakkik is there. * August 30 ** Sixth recorded mission. Requests the assistance of Monado_Boy_4739 and immediately regrets it. ** Accidentally "possesses" Solvig Karinsdotter when a massive body swap sweeps HQ. * November ** Meets Whitney for the first time. * December 3 ** Seventh recorded mission, co-starring Velociripper. * December 10 ** Is coerced into lending Rashida Mafdetiti his aid, alongside Violet. * December 15 ** Brings Lapis in to help Backslash and Whitney navigate some unfamiliar territory. Tensions predictably flare, forcing him to play the mediator. ; 2016 * January 1 ** Takes part in the second annual New Year's Gift Exchange. * May 17 ** Participates in an impromptu Karaoke night. * June 7 ** Tenth recorded mission, which also qualifies as his and Stephanie's first date. ; 2017 * April 3 ** Participates in the PPC HQ Hunger Games, Season 5. * June 23 ** Helps Falchion celebrate his 24th birthday. ; 2018 * November 12 ** Receives some tragic news. ; 2036 * Three words: Angelic squid babies. Mission Logs Home: RC #333 Origin and Recruitment * "Go Home Canon, You're Drunk", with Agents Sarah Katherine Squall and Rashida Mafdetiti ** In which a story has a very hard time establishing what year it's in. ** Original fanfic (deleted): "An Angel's Secret" (Kid Icarus) Partnered with Sarah and Lapis * Mission One: "The Day of Reckoning", Part One and Part Two ** In which a new agent is introduced, Cupid is tickle-attacked, and Sarah is hopelessly confused. ** Original fanfic: "Criminal MindsSSBB: Reckoning" (Super Smash Bros. X Criminal Minds) * Mission Two: "Giant Sonic All-Out Attack" with Alex Dives ** In which the expression “The bigger they are, the harder they fall” gets a whole new meaning. ** Original fanfic: "GODZILLA, KING OF THE MONSTERS!" (Godzilla X Sonic Universe X a couple other things) * Mission Three: "Featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry Series" ** In which a story talks too little and says even littler. ** Original fanfic: "Devil May Cry The alternate Universe" (Devil May Cry X Kingdom Hearts) * Mission Four: "A Feudal Nightmare" ** In which the gang deals with the deadly combination of a wildly changing story format and a God-mode Stu. ** Original fanfic: "A Feudel Dream" (InuYasha X Super Smash Bros. X Hunter: The Reckoning) * Interlude One: "Bitter Memories", with Agent Velociripper, Alex Dives, Panacea, and Sister January ** In which Lapis finally comes clean. ** Original fanfic: "Pokemon: Iron and Copper" (Pokémon X Avatar: The Last Airbender X some other things) * Mission Seven: "In Other News, Water is Wet", with Agents Chakkik and Stephanie Podd (collab with Voyd) ** In which two agent teams hit the beach... along with three unsuspecting pirate Stus. ** Original fanfic: "The Pirate, the Fairy, and the Mermaid" (Pirates of the Caribbean X The Little Mermaid X Fairies of Neverland) * Mission Eight: "The Gods Must Be Crazy", with Agent Backslash (DMS - Video Games Division) ** In which Cupid is forced to reevaluate his choice of friends. ** Original fanfic: "Smite Godling Harry" and "Young Smite God Harry" (Harry Potter X SMITE X Marvel Cinematic Universe) * Mission Ten: "Open The Door, Get On The Floor", with Agent Velociripper (DF) (pending) ** In which everybody walks the dinosaur. ** Original fanfic: "Jurassic Equestria" (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ''X ''Jurassic Park) * Mission Eleven: "Sadly Mythtaken", with Agents Rashida Mafdetiti and Violet Rose Greenfield (DF) ** In which some long-overdue apologies are in order for just about everybody. ** Original fanfic: "When Two Worlds Collide" (Percy Jackson and the Olympians x Kid Icarus) * Mission Twelve: "Strangled By The Red String", with Stephanie Podd (DMS) (co-write with Voyd) ** In which Cupid and Stephanie's first date goes monstrously awry. ** Original fanfic: "Naruto Life as a Host Family" (Naruto X Monster Musume) Other Appearances * Welcome to Rudi's! - Appears with Falchion and Velociripper in this RP thread on The Other Board. * "Shenanigans at FicPsych" - Cameos at the end with Lapis and Stephanie. * "Good Knight, and Good Luck" - Cameos in the post-mission. * "Challenger Approaching" - Joins Backslash and Whitney in reacting to a surprising announcement for Super Smash Bros. for the 3DS and Wii U. * "Witches Get Stitches", with Agents Backslash and Whitney (DMS - Video Games Division) ** In which Backslash's past misdemeanor comes back to bite him. No, not literally! ** Original fanfic: "hybrid link" (Bayonetta X Bleach) ** Note: Lapis also appears in this mission, but Sarah does not. * "Twenty Years Hence: Adventures in Squid Sitting" - Leaves Lapis in charge of his and Stephanie's children. Yeah, this will end well. Category:PPC Agents Category:Department of Implausible Crossovers Category:Badfic Characters Category:Reformed Sues